Finding Me
by Chimhill
Summary: Ashley Davies was on the verge when she finds out her father hasn't been honest about his background,even though she's born in South Africa her father left behind a secret back in Alabama what will she find on her journey...
1. Chapter 1

_**Finding Me **_

_**I don't own this story. But like they say two heads are better then one. I am co-writing this story with a good friend of mine Me4son.**_

_**Enjoy**_

**Chapter 1**

It was mid year and I was finally able to get my parents to send me abroad to my grandparents in Birmingham, Alabama. To tell you the truth I never knew my dad was born there and moved here years ago while he was on a tour with his band Purple Venom. Mom also never told me this. It's weird how my family has never even spoken of this in all my 18 years.

My best friend Candice has told me once that just maybe one day I will get my parents to fund this trip of mine.

Well let me introduce myself my name is Ashley Davies, I am 18 years old and was born in Cape Town, South Africa. My father is Raife Davies and my mother is Christine.

I have brown dark curls with red high lights in and hazel brown eyes. I have a boyfriend his name is Noah.

Noah wasn't too happy about me leaving for a whole month.

"Ashy this cant be it. We are supposed to spend this time together before I go off to college." I hear him say. As I kept myself busy with packing my luggage. Out of the corner of my eye I see him starring at Candice. For two years I had this feeling something has happened between them. She has always wanted what was mine. If I had one thing she wanted something better.

Deep down I know I am not in love with Noah. His not who I am suppose to be with. I mean I am going to a whole new country and who knows just maybe I might find the one I am meant to be with.

"Ashley are you even listening what your boy friend is saying to you." I could really careless at what you both are talking about.

I heard a knock at my bedroom door as my dad appears in my doorway.

I smile at him as he smiles back at me. I love my dad so much, just me and my mother don't get along cause she always accuse me of not living up to her standards. What Christine wants Christine gets? It's like a motto in her book. I am glad I take after the Davies well I hardly know them but this trip will explain just what I am looking for.

"Ashley." I hear my dad call as he walks in the room.

"Hey Mr D." I hear Noah say to my dad. Candice just nods her head and went back to the People magazine she was busy reading. That girl and her gossip magazines. Now I am even happier I am leaving the both of them for a whole month.

"Ashley." I hear my dad call me again.

"She's been in her own world for a few days Mr.D must be the excite of having no boy friend around." I hear Noah hinting towards me. I want to break up with him but I just don't have the heart of doing it.

Out of my thoughts I see my dad standing right in front of me.

"Yes, daddy." I say. As I have this big smile on my face.

"Are you okay honey." He asks me.

"Yep. Just can't wait to meet the family you know." I tell him. I went to go sit at my desk as I show both Candice and Noah to give us sometime. They did exactly as I asked of them. Candice walked to the door as she closed it but just before she close it she said.

"I love you Ash. Just know I never did anything wrong." And with that she walked out my room. My dad kept starring at me wanting to know what that was all about and I just shrugged my shoulder letting him know I could really careless. Where my friendship with Candice is going.

"So you ready to leave for the States, you could always change your mind kiddo. I haven't seen my parents in more then 18 years." He tells me.

I have this feeling dad don't really want me to find out what happened back in Alabama. Why he just left everything behind that he knew.

"Daddy I want to go. I need to find out where I came from. Don't you want that for me? I don't fit in here, apart of me feels like this trip is going to help me find the one thing I was missing." I tell him.

"What thing honey, you have your family here. You have Noah and Candice what else is there that is missing." He stood up as he paced my room.

"This is not about you or mom or even them. This is about me daddy. Me nobody but me. I feel like there is a missing part I need to seek. I need to find myself. Don't ask me ask me how or why. I just know that this trip is something that I need to take." I could feel my own tears burning as I saw my dad coming closer holding me against his chest. I place my face on his chest as he smoothes my hair. He use to do that when I was a little girl. When I woke up at night calling out to him as I cried. He would come into my room because my mother was yet again off to some place. Daddy was the only person who cared and loved me. And for him asking me not to go must be something big. What is he hiding from me? What happened so long time ago.

"Okay if this is something you really want to do then go. But whatever it is you searching for just know it's what's in your heart that counts. I will let you be and have sometime with those two out there." He gave me a hug and slowly let go as he walked to my door.

"Just know this is home Ashley. I love you." and with that he walks out of my room. I was stood there in the middle of my bedroom as tears were falling from my eyes. It wasn't long when I felt myself being hugged by both my boy friend and my bets friend. I wish they could just tell me.

"Ash you okay." I hear Noah asked me as Candice left to go sit on my bed packing my bags. I smiled at her knowing no matter how much she irritates me sometimes I love her. There was a time when I thought I liked her. Like like I couldn't believe I ever thought of her in a more then friend way. But the feelings I had stirred passion and want in me. The things I know longer feel for Noah.

"I am okay Noah just tired I am leaving early in the morning so I need to get some rest. Is it okay if we say our goodbyes now." I tell him. I said it without feeling any sadness. Because I knew I didn't feel that way about him.

"You don't want me at the airport. I thought I am taking you. Me and Candice." It's always Candice that is coming out of his mouth, never anybody else.

"It's okay Ash. I will go." He said. I could see the hurt in his eyes but it's also for the best we break up now knowing I might not even come back here or to him. I just feel like this isn't what I am meant to be, who I am meant to be with. In some cosmic fate there is someone out there feeling exactly how I am feeling now. Unloved and confuse. I pray that whoever I am suppose to be with will accept me just the way I am.

* * *

Noah finally left after we talked about us not doing well as a couple. I couldn't believe I broke someone else's heart. Even though I know it was the right thing to do.

I am stood in front of my mirror as I am looking at all the pictures of the three of us. We called ourselves THE TRIO. I picked up the one picture with me Noah and Candice, I was stood in the middle of them, I never noticed it before but in some of these pictures they both had this longing for each other. Maybe I should give them my blessing and just let it all go.

I didn't hear her come up behind me as she threw both her arms around my waist. This is innocent really, she would do that always. I have never read anything in to it because I know she is straight and she knows I am straight to. I mean I lost my virginity with Noah, I was 17 and very naïve. I could've waited. But I thought he was the one.

I look into her eyes as I know her dark brown eyes are scanning mine through the mirror.

"How did it get to this." She asks me.

"What you mean." I asked her back. As the hold around my waist became tighter.

"You and me. Our friendship." She says.

"I don't know. I just feel you been lying to me about him." I tell her.

"Ash you know I would never." She says. I turn around in her arms. Face to face looking her dead in the eye. If she blinks I know she is holding back something I knew happened.

"I never thought my mother would cheat on my dad but the bitch did. So who say you haven't done anything like that either." I tell her. I found my mother one day in her and my dad's bedroom with none other then my ex boy friend. Not Noah but Craig. I dated him for a year and we broke up seeing him fucking my own mother in my own house was the last straw I could take.

Then I met Noah.

Now here I am with my best friend about to find out if she did what I think she did with him.

"Ashley please." She says. I am not leaving before she tells me. Out of nowhere I felt her fingertips running up and down my bare arms. It happened so fast when I felt her kiss me.

I pulled away not knowing what she is thinking.

"What the fuck Candice. Since when do you kiss girls?"

"I fucked up okay. He was there I was drunk what else were I suppose to do." She walked to the bed and sat down on it.

"What were you suppose to do. You not suppose to fuck my boy friend and try to kiss Me." tears of anger were coming through me as the picture of the three of us was thrown across my room. The glass was shattered as it fell to the grown. Just the way my heart is feeling now.

"I am sorry okay. I should never have kissed you. But I knew there was a time you liked me Ashley, you can't deny that. Cause I felt it to." She says. I can't believe she would even throw that card in.

"Well I use to but not for awhile. Its best you leave now Candice, say your goodbyes and go, be with him. Maybe you can make him happier. Just go please." She was crying I hate when she cries but you got to be strong Ash, I tell myself. She got up as she knew that I wasn't going to stop her. She walked out my bedroom without turning around. All I heard was her cries coming through my close door. I fell to the floor as I couldn't keep it all in. in one night I lost my boyfriend and my best friend. And all it took was one word. Its over.

This was where I was in Cape Town.

Let's hope Alabama will be better.

_**AN: Well I am back with a new story I hope you guys are going to love this one. I got the Title and story from Meka my friend thank you for entrusting me with your story and hope you will also enjoy my version of it.**_

_**It's totally AU. Ash going on a journey to find the thing she has been missing.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I found myself standing in front of a door I have never seen before. I have tried to get myself to knock numerous times but yet I am shit scared of what is waiting for me on the other side of this door.

Let me go back.

After I told Candice to leave me alone and I want nothing to do with her ever again, dad drove me to Cape Town International Airport, mom couldn't make it cause of work and errants yeah right I am so use to her bullshit that I hardly banked on her not being around as much. I just need my dad that is all.

On my way here I thought of all the things I have been through in my life, like when my grandmother died when I was 16 years old I shut the world out completely nobody could help me, I started to do all kinds of drugs just to get attention from my parents, I know I love my dad but sometimes he takes mom's side over mine. And that is something that hurts me cause I feel like nobody in this world love me enough or understands me like my grandmother did.

Now here I am standing in front of the house of my dad's parents. I don't know what to expect, I hope they will treat me well and not blame me for the past. My dad did eventually tell me on the way to the airport that they hated my mother, that she wasn't a good enough woman for him, but then they found out they having me and had to get married, he also said that I am not a mistake that he loves me cause I am his flesh and blood. I love my dad. But this family feud must stop and hopefully I can find the missing piece while I am at it.

I finally got enough courage to tell myself to just get a grip and knock on the door. As I bring my hand up, the door suddenly flies open, strange I know but I didn't see anyone standing there. I push it more open as I could hear voices coming from somewhere inside.

"Do you know why she is here? I mean she hardly know us." I hear a voice say.

"Have no clue but Raife said to treat the girl with our utmost respect." I hear another voice. So dad did call them before hand.

I finally knock and called out.

"Hello." I say. My voice sounding distant through the house. As the house seems very big like a mansion of some.

They must be smoken rich or dealing with illegal substance. Yeah like your father's parents could get away with that.

"Nope they wont be able to get away with that." I turned around and right there stood the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on. I know I am not gay even though my feelings for Candice once upon a time betrayed me to think otherwise. But man she is fucking hot and wait did she just read my mind like knowing what I am thing. Fuck Ash you should stop your inner self from letting your thoughts out.

Okay she is starring too much now. Okay now who is this beauty?

"Are you done yet? Because I am loving the conversation going on in there.' She shows to my head. Okay now this is freaking weird.

"Okay why are you in my head I don't know. Are you some kind of psychic?" I ask her.

"If you want me to be Cinderella." She said.

"Wait why are you calling me that, I don't even like that story. I am here to chit chat sunshine I am here on business." I tell her with a smuck smile on my face.

"Sunshine. I think I am going to like you. Cinderellla." I heard another voice coming from inside.

"Spencer who you talking to out here." I turn around and saw an old lady must be my dad's mother or something. She seems normal. Doesn't look at all like drug dealer I know funny but this blonde who I know as Spencer is starting to bother me. What is she even doing here at my family's house?

"Well they mine too." She says. Wait what. Is she freaking kidding me?

Gosh Ash you forgot you in the country anything is possible.

"Grams this... well who are you." she ask me. Not so psychic at all right.

I walk closer to the old lady as I put my bag down." I am Ashley Davies, my dad is Raife and you are my grandmother I think." I say as I start to get nervous. All of a sudden. The blonde who were standing behind me. Weren't standing there anymore. How come I didn't hear her leave? This is all getting a bit too much in a short period of time.

"So Ashley the last time we saw you, you were just born. You still as beautiful. Come on in honey don't just stand there." She tells me as I pick up my bags a boy with raven hair came out and took my bags. He looked like a jog. He had raven haired spiky hair with green eyes. I wonder who he is, probably the girl friend of that Spencer chick. I hope not because she is looking fine. Stop it Ash you not gay neither is Spencer. But he looks yummy too; Noah's got nothing on him. This boy looks hot and sexy.

I walked inside when I heard the older lady talking to the boy taking me out of my conversation with myself.

"Aiden honey the first guess room on your right." He nods to the. I mean my grandmother so I take it he is either there foster kid or my cousin. My dad really didn't tell me the truth did him. He fabricated most of the stuff.

"Your father did say you a deep thinker. You remind me so much of my son at your age." She said.

"Yeah I guess I have to change that sometime." I say.

"Honey no need to feel offended. Do you want to follow Aiden up to your room and come down in the morning your grandfather will be back in the morning? He and Mr Carlin has been out of town since yesterday he said to treat you with lots of love. He loved your father a lot." She says.

"Thanks I can't wait to meet him to. Does my father ever come here or call." I ask. Because I know daddy take trips now and then to the states.

"Not in along time dear. He likes to keep to himself. Nothing to stress your pretty head over it."

"Okay then I will go up and get some sleep." I start to walk just when I got to the start of the stairs I turn around. Scrunching my face a bit as I saw a picture of my dad with someone. Looks like a little girl. She looked abit like me. But it's not me.

"Is everything okay dear." She asks me.

"Not really who is that in the picture with my dad." I ask her.

She had this shock in her eyes as she picked up the picture and stared at it. That is your cousin she loved your father a lot." It's all she said and walked away with the picture.

I left it and walked up to my room where the boy I now know as Aiden was standing there.

"So I take it you related to the Davies." He said.

"Yeah I think I am. Seeing as I am a Davies and all. Why is this town so weird." I say more to myself then to him. I walked in the room and closed it. I bet he thought he can follow me in here.

I finally hit the bed as my head found a pillow I gave one big sigh as I couldn't understand a lot of things. First who is the girl? Why would my dad not tell me about a cousin who looks exactly like me? And why is my so called grandmother acting so weird over the picture.

My mind wondered to her again. Her blonde hair and blue eyes. It's all that I see. When I heard a rustling at my window. I forgot I didn't close it, but then again there was no wind coming through there. I perched myself up on my elbows. That's when I saw her. Her blonde hair was in her face as she brushed them away so I could see those blue eyes. Gosh she has the most beautiful sapphire eyes I have ever seen.

"So I take it you met Aiden. And that you are thinking that so far you have met a lot of weirdo's. Am I right Cinderella." I had to smile at her. I have to give her credit she really knows how to make me laugh even though I don't want to.

"It will be okay. You will find whatever you are here for. Isn't that right Cinderella." She says. As she walks over to my bed and slammed her body on the covers. She had on a pair of sweet pants and a tank with her long hair dangling down her shoulders.

"Sunshine I think me and you will both find that out. I have a feeling we will be close more like best friends." I tell her as I look down to her. Lying at the foot end with her head.

"You right about that Cinderella." She says. As we both start to smile.

This is my first day in Alabama and so many surprises.

But I know that whatever I am about to find out could be good or bad.

And with this blue eyed goddess, who knows where I might find myself in another week.

Stay tuned and try to help me get into the heads of this countrymen and women. Especially this one lying here on my bed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It was early the next morning when I heard aloud knock on the bedroom door I look to my right side and noticed that she is gone, she must've left just after I fell asleep. We didn't speak whole night we just lied there in silence. My mind was mostly on the picture I have found on my way up the room. Maybe Spencer would know who the girl is. But what is it that my grandmother is keeping from me. What has gotten my dad to not come here again?

I heard another knock on the door and saw the doorknob moving. It must be my grandmother. I jumped up with the cover still around me. Just when I was up, she was standing right there with a tray in her hands.

She had this smile on her face knowing that she is getting me to become jumpy whenever she enters my space. I wonder if she reads minds really because she has been good in that apartment.

"If I was you I stop talking to myself and get dressed are eat first. Your grandmother sends me up with your breakfast she also asked me to take you around town." She says. I threw the cover back on my bed walking over to her as I take the tray from her.

"Thank you but you didn't have to bring it up to me. I could've just grabbed something quick, but thanks any way. You left what time." I ask her as I took a bite of my toast.

"Just before it got to light out. Before my parents start looking for Me." she says with a smile.

"That is understandable." I say back. Walking towards the desk and chair on the far end of the cosy bedroom. She went to sit on my bed as I see she wants to make up the bed.

"You really don't have to do that. I can." I tell her.

"Its fine I do them all the time I don't mind." She says.

"Seriously Spencer." I say back. Trying to make her stop.

"Cinderella eats your breakfast and go get ready for a day out in the country." she says.

I guess she is always so forceful. It reminds me a bit of my best friend. I haven't spoken to her ever since I got here I know I told her that I don't want to talk to her.

But like always she is still my friend no matter what.

It took me less then an hour to eat my breakfast and get a shower in. when I got back to my room; Spencer was sitting on my bed reading a book I brought from home.

She locks eyes with me lifting my book up to me.

"So this is Cape Town, beautiful city for a beautiful girl." She says.

"I guess you can say that. It is really beautiful especially this time of the year. It is summer right now and I totally forgot its winter here, which mean I have to go shopping." I tell her. She looks back to the book as she flip the page open to where an old picture I completely forgot was hiding in. she lifts the picture showing it to me.

"Is this you? Who are the boy and the girl?" She asked. I walked closer as I can see she took a deep breath as the scent from my perfume filled her in.

I was now stood right next to her as I went to sit down on the bed beside her.

I take the picture from her scanning the face of the girl on it. I could feel her eyes burning into the side of my face.

"This is Candice my best friend." I tell her.

Then I moved to the guy standing in between us.

"This is Noah, my ex boyfriend. We broke up just before I came here." I tell her. When I told her that no heart ache surpasses me. I was over him.

"I am sorry to here that." She says. As she takes the picture.

"I think you made a good choice. Letting him go, he certainly looks more into your friend." she says.

When she said that I grab the picture tearing it to pieces. I knew it was rude of me.

"I think we should go. It's getting later as we sit here chit chatting about my past life. So please don't ask me anything again." I tell her. I know it's not her fault. I have convinced myself that it doesn't bother me that they cheated on me. But why everyone in my life does have some secret. Who is that girl? I am going to find out if it's the last thing I do. Maybe I should just go back home and forget about everything else.

* * *

I can now realise that I am in the country course most of the people here look at me like I am from another planet. Maybe it's the way I dress or maybe it's because I am not blonde with blue eyes or maybe it's because I sound completely different. I wonder which is the latter.

But mostly it's the stares I get from the girls we run into, whenever we went from shop to shop. We are sitting at a restaurant now that Spencer says belongs to her family it's called the Carlins Diner. But there is a boy who is blonde with grey eyes starring at us like his disgusted by us. I wonder who he is. I haven't seen that Aiden boy he seems nice looking for a country boy. I think it's those eyes. His like a dark haired knight that saves broken hearted girls after they got dumped by the town's Casanova.

I see Spencer looking in the far end of the Diner as she and this boy has a silent conversation that only they seem to know about.

I wonder who he is. It wasn't long I heard a bell at the door. And my my it was him the dark haired green eyes that supposedly lives with my grandparents.

He walks straight up to our table taking a chair from the table from the opposite side, and turn it around so the back shows to the table as he sat on it facing me. Then looking at Spencer who is still having a deep stare at the boy at the back counter of the Diner.

"Don't mind her they get like that almost every time they in the same place." He says. Like anyone is yet I had asked him for anything.

'Yeah nice to know. What you doing here any way. Are you stalking Me." he starts to laugh as it finally brings Spencer out her daze with the boy.

"You wish. I am here to see if Spencer hasn't lost you yet. She gets all crazed with new people coming this way." He says.

I look as Spencer as she smacked Aiden over his bare arms. He is really well built I should ask him to be my gym buddy when I get more settled in. seeing as I am going to be here for a very long time.

"Ash why don't we leave ass face alone and go, before I damaged his boyish face." She says. I can't believe the sweet innocent girl can be that tough. She must have gone through something to make her this way.

"Sure why not." I tell her as I walk passed Aiden he hold onto my arm. As I swing around.

"We will get our chance Ashley I will make sure we do." With that he turned around and called the waiter to order.

On our way out I could see the blonde boy walking closer towards us as Spencer try to move as fast as he grabbed her arm and swing her back in his arms. While she was trapped there I saw Aiden pulling his chair towards the other side of the table.

"I don't think this is the place Aiden. You don't want me to tell your new thing over here what you all about." The blonde boy says calling me a thing. I could see the fear in Spencer's eyes as she kept quiet not provoking the boy. I wonder who he could be. Nobody mentions his name. It was in this time I had to help her out.

"Excuse me." I say. He looked at me with anger in his eyes.

"Yeah what your problem.' He asks me.

"Well she is my ride and I need to get home asap." I tell him. He looks at me and then back at Spencer.

"Cant you find your own way back." He asks me.

I nod my head no. its then that I see Aiden coming closer as he walks passed the boy and Spencer grabbing me by the arm. But I couldn't leave her there but Aiden was as strong as I saw the tears falling from her eyes. It was then that I tried to pull loose from his grasp on my wrist.

"Ashley I am doing something good here, let this go, let her go. She will be okay. Please just leave with me." he says. It was then that I saw him carry her to the back of the Diner as me and Aiden left the restaurant. I wish I was stronger and could fight him. I know something's about to happen. Just when we were about to climb in the car I heard a yell as I ran back towards the Diner. I couldn't believe nobody is helping her as I saw him lift his hand and smacked the girl right through the face. Its then that I heard Aiden yelling my name as he went after the blonde boy.

She was sitting there on the floor her hands in her face as I could see the tears streaming down her face. I went to bend down as I felt her push me away and ran out the Diner leaving me there thinking what the hell is going on.

I sat flat on my as my own tears start too built in my eyes. I don't understand what is going on.

"Ashley lets go she is gone. Let me take you home." He says.

With this I don't know why I ever decided to come here. When all I seem to encounter is pain, more pain. And the one person who has been good to me, since I got here is broken just like me.

What is next for me in this town?

I wonder.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Sometimes I wonder if everything is absolute anymore. We keep on running down this roads where we always ask ourselves if only.

If only my parents or my dad told me back in Cape Town my family history. If only my grandmother never died, I may have never questioned who I am.

We just pulled up into the driveway of my father's parent's driveway. I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my face.

"Anything I can do for you." he ask. I turn to face him as I have this weak smile on.

"Nothing you can do can change how I feel about this town and its countrymen." I stare out the window into the distance and notice not too far is the woods.

"I don't even know why I am here." I say out in a whisper I doubt he had heard me.

"I know exactly what you mean about three years ago I lost both my parents in a car accident. Your grandparents were close with my family. They found me a year ago begging on the streets I had nothing. No home, no family. But those people inside that house made me feel apart of theirs." He says. I could hear the sadness in his voice. Maybe my grandparents are good. But why haven't they ever reached out to me. Who is the girl? I just want someone to be honest with me.

"I know you here for answers. But why? Weren't your life good back in South Africa." He asks me.

"To tell you the truth it was the best, but I still wanted to know why my dad and his parents never got along. And I am going to find out." I tell him. As I opened up my door. As I got out and feel the cold winter on my face. I looked towards the woods and start to make my way towards it. Back in Cape Town we have the ocean here I have to make due of the woods. Its still bring calmness to me. After awhile I didn't hear Aiden anymore. But I could hear someone crying because the cries became louder the deeper the woods I went. It's behind an oak tree I saw the blonde hair swaying. I couldn't believe she is here. I wonder if I should go nearer and make my presence known.

Just when I was about to turn around to go back to the house.

"Ash (sniffling) Ash (sniffling)..." I couldn't bear to see her like this when I walk close to her pulling her up from the ground. I lift her face up as I saw the dark blue circle surrounding her left eye.

"Spencer I am glad I found you. What you doing here all alone." I ask her. She holds tight to my body as I held her close to my chest. Her tears falling down her beautiful face.

"I always come here. How you find my spot." She asks.

"I just start walking after Aiden dropped me. Why don't I take you to the house?" I ask her.

"I can't. I need to get back to the house." She says. As she loose her grip on me and start to wipe her face with the sleeve of her hoodie.

"Forget about what you saw today okay. He didn't mean to do that. He was in a bad mood." She says. Hell no.

"No way Spencer no man has the right to hit you, not anyone for that matter. I just wish I could've protected you some how. I wish you would let me in." I say. As I saw her start to gather her barrings.

"I have to go." And with that she was off again. Walking towards the road side.

* * *

I got back to the house as I walked straight passed Aiden slamming my bedroom door. I can't stay here anymore. All this is just a waste of my time.

Its then I hear a knock on my door and seeing my dad's mother coming in as she walk to sit on the foot end of the bed.

"I am sorry that your stay here hasn't been welcoming, it looks like you got us at the wrong time. Maybe you should go home." She says. With her fake smile. Sometimes I can't imagine my dad being inside of this woman. My grandmother, my mother's mother she really loved me, nothing about her were fake, but this woman sitting on my bed, well her bed just give me the creeps.

"I don't want to go home, what I want to know is the truth. Why wouldn't anyone just tell me what is going on. What is the big damn secret?" I yell.

"Its no need to yell dear. This is still my house. I don't know what you are searching for. Yes your father has never told you about us until now but what are you hoping to find." I got up and walked out of the room. Not long I came back in the room angrier then I was before I saw that guy hit my friend.

I lift it up to her. To show her exactly what I am talking about.

"This is what I want to know. Who is this girl? Why is her identity such a big secret? Why does my dad have something to do with this girl who is she. Just tell me please.' I could feel my tears burning in my eyes. I could feel my body falling to the ground as I sat there on my knees looking up to her with the picture still in my hand. Somehow the picture frame cracked and blood was coming from my fingers.

I saw her body sitting next to me as she kept my finger in her hand. Trying to get me up. She finally got me from the floor as we both burse into the bathroom. The cold water running as my finger was kept under it, but my tears never seem to stop. I didn't cry because I just hurt myself. I was crying because no one wants to tell me what is going on. I feel like there is this hole inside of me. A place where only person filled but when she died that whole seem to grow deeper and deeper. I try to fill it with boy friends and my music but nothing helped. I am lying I did feel something it was the time Spencer came to spend the night through my bedroom window when I didn't feel so alone and empty. I wish she would let me in. I don't even know what is going on with her.

"Ashley maybe you should ask your father. He is the one that should tell you what is going on. I see you and Spencer has gotten very close." All of a sudden she is telling me to ask my dad then she jumps to Spencer.

"She's a great person I just wish I knew what is in her head." That is when she starts laughing.

"Just like Raife." It's all she said when she lift my finger to her mouth and kissed it.

"There that should keep the pain away." she then walked out the bathroom and then out the room.

Its things like that, which makes me, think I am from one crazy family.

_**An: I hope you guys love the update. I know I am a bit late on the update better late then never.**_

_**Thanks for those who have been waiting patiently.**_

_**What Hurts The Most is on standby just trying to give you guys more then one chapter.**_

_**Chimhill**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

It's been a week. A whole week since I last seen Spencer, I wonder what has been going on with the blonde. I have been inside this room for the last few days. I have watched this ceiling for the millionth time and made up little letters with my fingers as I point them towards the ceiling I think I am going crazy. This isn't me. I am not this sad girl who's trapped inside a room. I know I can go out and do what all these country girls do for fun, but where do I start.

I miss home. I miss Cape Town. I miss my family. My best friend. I miss Candice. I miss her too.

I can't believe this is so hard.

I should go home right I mean here is nothing to find. I was so sure that this was the missing piece. But I guess its time for me to realised that I need to go back home.

I shot up from my sitting position as I scanned the room for one more time as I threw the covers off my lap.

I stood up in front of the mirror as I stared at myself. I look like shit. I haven't slept for a couple a days.

A walked into the bathroom as I let the shower tap on before I take off my pyjamas. I let my hand burn a little by the hot water as I quickly let the cold water mix with the hot tap. I got in the shower as the water fell down my bare back.

I took the shower gel and start to massage the soap into my body.

Why did I even come here? I haven't heard from Aiden even though we live in the same house. I haven't heard from my grandmother if I can call her that since the accident with the picture I broke.

She didn't seem mad at me for that. I turn the taps off as I got out and grab the towel that was near the side of the bath.

I wrapped it around my body and towel dried my hair.

I walked out of the bathroom not noticing I had company.

"So it looks like you are alive." I hear him say. I jumped abit not cause I am afraid of him but for what his reason maybe for being in my bedroom.

"What are you doing here? Trying to get lucky " I ask him. He looks at me and start to give me that boyish grin. He is cute but I am not interested. I just want to get out of this place.

"No I am here to see what your plans are for the day. Its Friday I was thinking we could either go watch a movie are go club." When he said clubbing I start to laugh.

"Serious do you guys have those." He nods his head.

"Underground. You have to experience it. It's wicked. I need to get out of the house and you are going with Me." he stood up as he took my one loose arm by my waist. I see him looking and I kept starring. I really don't know if I am into Aiden, but I know out there is a girl that I really like. But the thing with her she has a lot going on right now.

"I can't." As I pull away from him.

"Why not, do you have a hot date?' He asks me.

"Nope but I am going to be busy with travelling plans." I tell him.

I turn around as I sat down by the dresser combing my wet hair as I see him looking at me a little confuse. Geez Aiden for a guy with your potential you are very dense.

"Where you going Ash." I look right into his green eyes.

"Home." I say.

"Home." He replied back.

"Yes." I say.

I see him scratching the back of his neck but still looking at me through the mirror.

"But why. I thought you here to find yourself." He said. He was mocking me I know that but I didn't give a damn anymore. I just need to get away from this place.

"I never should've come here. It was a mistake." I say.

"Mistake. Is this about Spencer." He asks me.

"No."

"You are lying to me Ash I can see. You like her don't you."

"What I am not gay."

"But you sure have been broody the last couple days since Spence hasn't been around. Why do you care about her any way? She will just get you in trouble." He says. I knew he knew something about that guy.

"Would you fill me in about her then." I ask him. But I knew that was useless me trying to figure her out.

"So it is about her. You don't want to go there Ash. It's not my place to tell you anything. But promise me you will let her go. Just don't worry about what happened she is use to be treated that way by him. But I am not going to be the one telling you what is going on." He says.

"Yeah okay whatever." I say. As I see him getting up and walking towards the door.

He turned around looking back at me.

"I hope you change your mind of staying but if you have to go today or tomorrow just know that it's not about where you go to find yourself. It's all what is inside you. It's never too far. I wish you all the best if this is the last time I will ever see you. You are great person and I would hate anything bad happening to a beautiful girl like yourself." I couldn't believe how soulful he was. The guy who I thought is just a heartbreaker is actually a decent guy. He does remind me so much off my father.

"Thank you Aid. You are a great friend." I tell him as he smiles. His head bounced as he looks at me.

"Great friend, it's always what a boy like to hear from a girl. Just take care. I can take you if you want me to." He says as he opens the door. And walks out.

It wasn't necessary I was going to take a taxi. I already let the pilot know. Having a rich dad pays off. Cause he has his own Jet. How lucky am I. I can't wait to get home. To see my dad and who knows maybe Candice. I know I have told her that I don't want to be her friend after what she has done to me. But she will always stay my friend. People screw you over. Just wish that Spencer was here at least then I didn't have to go back.

Just remembering the first night I stayed in this room with her coming through the window. Sunshine. She was definitely a ray of sunshine for me. Seeing her being treated that way by this guy I still wish she had told me who he was. Why does he control her and why does Spencer let him treat her that way.

What about the girl in that picture. She must be someone that nobody wants me to find out about.

I heard my cell phone ringing. I picked it up as I could hear the voice on the other side was the voice I have been longing to hear from. It was her. She sounded down.

"Hey." I say into the phone.

"Hi." She says.

It took us along while to talk again.

"I wanted to hear how you were doing." She asks me.

"I am fine. I missed you." I tell her.

"I missed you too. It's not the same without you."

"So how is he." I ask her.

"I wouldn't know Ash. I couldn't do it. Not knowing I would never be able to be called your friend again. I miss you Ash. Please tell me we are okay." She says, I could hear the hurt in her voice. That the day we parted I said things that I know I meant at the time but now. Now I just want her back in my life.

"Candice. So you never got back together after I left." I ask her.

"No we just went to this party and that night I found him in a room with Madison. I hate that bitch." I hear her say. I had to smile at my friend she just knows when I need to smile.

"Okay. Guess what." I tell her.

"What you hooked up with a guy. Details please. I haven't been getting any since Jake."

"You mean Noah." I had to throw that in there.

"I am serious Ash it happened only once. So tell me what is up."

"Well I am busy packing I am coming home tomorrow." I tell her. I didn't hear anything until I heard.

"But what about you finding this secret. Ash as much as I want you here back home. I miss you a lot but I know you. This is going to eat at you no matter what you saying now. You have found something and you aren't going to give up what ever it may be." She says. Candice is right I am not going to be at peace knowing that I haven't gotten to what I have come here to do.

"I know but if I stay in this God forsaken town I am going to need company. What about you get your ass down here and we show this country people what the city kids are made off. What do you say? I will send you a plane ticket. Please Candice I should have done this in the start." I know this was asking too much but just maybe having her here would help me be myself around these people we can even go stay at a hotel are something.

"Are you crazy Ash." She asks me.

"No I am sane. Please Candice come. I need you here." I tell her.

"Okay." She said.

"Okay." I ask.

"Yes okay. I will be there. I will come. So don't you dare pack up? Wait till I am there." That was all I had to wait for. To wait for my best friend to come here.

Two Capetonian girls.

I just hope this is going to work out. Bringing Candice here.

"Okay Ash I have to go now. See you in a few days." She says.

"Thank you." and I ended the call.

So here I am sitting at my desk contemplating if I did the right thing. I heard a scratch against my window. It can't be the rain. It sounded like small ticks. I got up and walked towards the window as I look down there she were. Standing there looking up at the sky.

She turned her head slightly towards me. I can't believe she is down there. Just starring up at the sky. I couldn't see her face. The expression she has on her face.

I open the window wider as I lent over the sill.

"Spence." I called but she just kept looking.

Just when I want to shout to her to wait for me she ran off. Back into the woods. Back into the place I found her the last time. I wish she would tell me. I wish she can let me help her. I wish Candice was here she seems to be the only one right now to help me. Help the blonde.

Just maybe things will get better.

_**AN: I hope this chapter came out right, I haven't been doing well. I just wanted to at least give you guys an update. Hope you enjoy it.**_


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: it has been awhile since I have updated Finding Me. It seems like my life is going off the road. But I tried to come up with a chapter that won't disappoint my readers if you guys are still following.**

**I am hoping to get back into my writing maybe pouring my heart out into my characters will help my aching heart.**

**Thanks for the patience. I hope you guys enjoy this.**

**Chapter 6**

When I first decided to do this come to a foreign country to find me. The girl I was before I came to this small country town. I am currently in Vance. The same place that holds one special girl and the fact that there is so many hidden secrets among these people. Candice called me awhile ago and told me that there is some delay in her getting here, the thing is she doesn't have a valid passport and it could take her months to get one. So she isn't coming any longer. Just maybe that is a sign. That my journey has really come to an end.

I am currently sitting right at the top of the cliff writing her letters. I have not seen her since that day I found her looking up in the sky. She was my sunshine in this place. I don't know if I could ever break down the wall she has put up, maybe it's for the best I let her go and live her life. I am just a stranger to her any way. Aiden was right when he said not to get to involve with the blonde, but something about her makes me worry that she really needs someone to lean on, I wish I could be that person for her. The fact that she has been abused by this guy. I believe that no woman or child should let another human being take charge of there lives. Whatever it is she has been keeping from me I would like to know.

My thoughts keep running between my best friend at home Candice when she kissed me that day. I wonder now if I never left if there would have been anything more too just that kiss knowing she isn't gay. But what about me. Am I. what will my family say, my other friends? What would Spencer say if she knew that I have grown feelings for her since the day I first met her? It seems such along time ago.

If I am suppose to be here. If for some faith I am suppose to hold onto finding who the girl is. I am supposed to live with all these unanswered questions dwelling in my head. To tell you the truth I am busy going insane. I am mostly fighting a losing battle. My inner voice keep telling me Ash go home. Your journey isn't doing you any good. I am more like brooding in that room until I decided to come out for some fresh air. To the place she told me so many times.

I can picture her sitting here watching over the blue skies as she keeps her sketch pad and pencil ready to catch the next idea that would pop in her head. Just knowing she is in tune with her creative imagination. She told me it's a place that is special to her. I have never met Spencer's family just that her father and my grandfather seem to have some kind of business together. My grandmother hasn't asked anything about Spencer's disappearance what if they think I have something to do with that. What if it's my entire fault? How do I stop myself from loving this girl that I don't really know? Just looking into her eyes whenever I was down. Just holding her close to me as she breaks down and cry yet again over a boy who has been treating her like scum. How do I get the answers that I want?

"Just go see her Ash." I hear a voice say behind me as I turn my head slightly seeing the raven haired boy standing there.

I looked at him for a while until he start to move closer, he was currently standing next to me, as he sat down.

"Just go. You may never know if you don't try right." He says. As a small smile tug at his lips.

"Do you think that is wise just showing up at her house? She seems like a very private person." I tell him. I knew somewhere he could really see that I have liked the blonde more that just a friend. He isn't bad looking at all.

"I know how she is. Believe me. But if you need me to take you to go see you I would do that for you." he says.

Aiden has really been amazing with me. I have come to allow myself to open up to him and he would let me in on how he lost his family. But I knew deep down he isn't so keen of me and the blonde.

"What if she shuts the door in my face." I say. With a monotone voice. Just thinking her throwing the door in my face.

"She might." He says. As he starts to laugh.

"But we will leave that for tomorrow, you promised me you would accompany me to my friends party." He says. Yeah I made a deal with the devil. When we start becoming friends he asked me to go to a party and I said yes cause lets face it better being surrounded by strangers then sitting in a room going insane right.

"Tell me why I said yes."

"Cause you know I am the only one who can take you to her."

"Wow. Any way lets get this night started."

He got up as and helped me up to. Before I walked away I looked over the cliff one more time. Saying in a soft whisper I am coming sunshine. Your Cinderella is coming.

With that I walked off with Aiden by my side as we got into his car and drove away.

* * *

The minute I stepped into the house where Aiden's friend were having a house party. Hearing the loud beat of Jay Sean's Tonight I knew that I was going to turn into someone else. I knew that this isn't where I were suppose to be, but as we moved in between the mass of bodies, girls boys grinding into each other, when Aiden passed me a beer and I pour them down my throat. The cold feeling down my throat , as my clothes clung to my body. I was dressed in a short mini denim skirt with a white boob tube top. With my tie hanging loosely around my neck, I felt someone pulling me by the tie but not to ruff as I see a guy I have never seen before, in the far end Aiden is getting us more drinks, its been going on for an hour the minute my cup was empty a new one get popped into my hand. With everything that I have been going through lately the alcohol seems to do a great job. As I felt both hands of the guy on my hips as it start to sway to the beat of Jay's song Tonight. Its like whatever he is singing about is what my body is feeling. I felt myself being push into the guy as another guy comes to hold onto my hips. I can't see behind me but I know whatever I am doing right now it's all cause of the alcohol as I throw both my hands over the shoulder of the blonde boy. We were grinding deep tonight is my night. Tonight this is the real Ash I am about to get it, as I use some of the lyrics. I could feel his breath on my neck. I could feel the person behind me letting go as my knee sinked in between the boy's legs. Gosh Ash you got to control yourself. Where is Aiden I looked around but I couldn't see him. He must be off chasing some girl. As I turn to face the boy our lips touched as I felt myself move even closer. The beer and the minty taste on his tongue was the least of my worries as I delved my tongue into his. The way he moved us as my back hit the wall in between the staircase. I couldn't stop it either it felt good something I wanted for quite sometime.

The kiss became steamier as I felt him lift me up as I got moved backwards through another room. It was then that I pulled away.

"I can't do this." I tell him.

"Why not. Your boyfriend is off doing someone else." He said.

I looked at him and then I smacked him through the face and ran out just then I bumped into Aiden. He must have been looking for me.

I didn't stay and talk as I pushed through people who were standing in my way. I knew he was following me.

"Ash."

"Ash." I heard again but I didn't stop. I walked pass his car and towards home.

"Ash. Gosh talk to me. You can't walk so late."

"Why not." I finally said. What was I thinking in there?

"Ash please just stop what happened." He asked. I stopped walking as I just stood there tears falling down my face.

He was near me as I fell into his arms. My tears didn't stop as he rocked me in his arms.

"What is wrong with me?"

"It will get better at some point. All you need is to give her time. She will come to you." he says.

"Time. Why does people always shut me out there lives. Why is my grandmother so secretive? Why is my dad not saying anything?"

"I wish I knew." He said again.

"Why is it so hard Aiden? I thought coming here and maybe have drunken sex will make me feel better. But it hasn't it made me feel like crap. Why doesn't she tell me who he is." I cried into his chest.

"You like her don't you. Like more then a friend. I saw it that day when she ran out the diner how protective you got. I saw something in you that I have never seen another girl look at another girl before. You love her don't you." he says in a soft voice almost too afraid to say something that might get me mad at him. I lift my face from his chest as he wiped the tears off my face.

"It doesn't matter now does it? She isn't here. She is somewhere feeling sorry for herself. I have no right to her. I will keep my feelings to myself nobody must know."

"Why not. What is stopping you? I am okay with it. Little disappointed though but I can deal with that. I just want you to be happy. But knowing Spencer its not going to be easy Ash. She isn't like you. She keep to herself most days, yeah I have known her longer but her boyfriend." That is when I stepped completely away.

"Boyfriend. She has a boyfriend. That guy was her boyfriend." I asked him.

"I think she should tell you."

"No tell me now damit. I want to know. I am sick of everyone treating me like a child I am not one. I feel like ripping my heart out from crying myself to sleep every night. Believe me I can handle anything." I tell him.

"They have been together for quite a few years and his one who has been hitting her. I can't tell you everything it's not my place I have said enough as it is." With that I walked. I walked even though I didn't know my way around this place but I found the road that leads up to the mansion.

I couldn't believe it didn't click that day, when he hurt her.

I didn't know how to face my grandparents. I got the key out my purse. The door was finally open as the light that leads up to my room were still on must be Aiden.

That was one damn long walk but I needed it. I needed time to my own thoughts.

I was finally at my room as I open the door, the switch was on the inside of my wall and I saw the window being open. I forgot closing it.

I switched the light on seeing a body laying there.

I knew who it were when the body turns its face towards me.

"Ash." Was all I heard?

I couldn't believe she is here.

**AN: finally something about Spencer. It's near to find out what Spencer is hiding from ash and also from herself.**

**Chimhill**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Seeing her lying on my bed I just couldn't believe she was here. I couldn't believe that just maybe this is it for us. That the love I have for her will never change the fact that she pushed me away; she put up her walls not letting me in.

"Ash." She says. As she got up in a sitting position. Looking at me still with this look of an estrange person.

"Ash, please just listen." She says.

"Spencer for weeks I have looked for you not knowing where you are what happened to you until Aiden told me that guy was your boyfriend so please tell me why you couldn't tell me up front about all this." I asked her. I didn't move I stood grounded on my spot.

"I was going to, but I was afraid if you knew everything you would leave me, like they all do. They all leave Ash." She says. As tears start to form into her beautiful eyes.

"Do you remember why I came here." I asked her.

"Yes to find some hidden secret."

"That too but I mostly came to find myself. Five months ago I left South Africa, I went on this journey and it brought me here Alabama. You were the first person I met here and that instant moment I saw you we hit it off. I have been fighting it for quite sometime and I know that just maybe I am mistaken about everything that has gone on."

"Ash." She interrupted me.

I lift my hand up making her quiet just to let me speak.

"You start to call me Cinderella, I never felt like I am a princess but in your eyes you saw it. To me you will always be my sunshine. Just maybe this journey I have been on has brought me to you. Our paths were meant to cross. I get that you have someone. But please don't let anyone treat you like shit. Don't let anyone tell you that you don't deserve to be happy and never forget this amazing friendship we have built over the months cause sunshine I can never forget you. Even if I go back home I can never let you go without telling you how I feel about you." I just needed to let this out before she disappears again and I never see her. I know I told Aiden and I told Candice that I will stay here and find the truth about the girl in the picture but if I look at it. I have been on this one journey and while on that one I had to be on this one also, maybe these two are connected and if so I want to see this through cause our lives are based on where we are. Where we take that journey and just maybe this girl who is looking at me with her face wet from the tears is just what my heart has been craving realising I am gay.

"Ashley. Can I say something." she asked me.

I look at her nodding my head.

"He is my boyfriend are at least he once were my boyfriend but he isn't anymore. There is something I have meaning to tell you for awhile but every time I get to you I change my mind." She says.

"Okay." I say as I start to walk closer to the bed. I went to sit down. Still having my eyes intensely starring at blue ones.

"I never meant to keep it from you. But I have a daughter she is four years old." She tells me. I sat there just starring at her then at the cover she is busy playing with.

"Ashley."

"Spence its okay." I tell her.

"Are you sure."

"Yes it doesn't mean anything now." I tell her.

"What do you mean it doesn't matter it always matter Ashley. Besides you finding yourself apart me have found me. I have been hiding for so long from everything. My friends, my family all throwing things in my face that no matter how hard I tried they keep throwing my pass in my face. Now you too are going to leave." She was busy getting up when I stopped her.

"Where you going." I asked her.

"The cliffs." She says.

"Please don't leave. I don't want you to think just because you have a child that it would change the way I feel."

"How you feel about me."

"Yes. I love you Spencer and maybe you won't believe me now but I love you. I have loved you since the first time you climbed through my window."

I took her hand, as our fingers were entwined.

She looks at me. With those sea ocean blue's.

"You love me. But I am broken." She says.

"I am broken. Why not be broken together and heal." I tell her.

For the longest time that I have known her I have never understood the depth of our love. The deep intense feelings I have for her. Yes one day I am going back home, but right now home is where my heart is. Home is where Spencer Carlin is. If its here in Alabama are back in South Africa. It doesn't really matter because I am sure this is what I want. That I can do this with her beside me.

It's not about the destination but it's about the journey that we get put on. But if you miss that path and you totally through it out. The idea of knowing what is in your heart. We may question it but our heart will know when we will find each other again.

Just maybe this is my journey. This is where I had to come to find myself and in the same time I didn't just find me but I found the girl of my dreams.

This is where the road ends for us.

This is my new home.

This is how I found myself.

This is how I found my true self.

_**AN: there is a saying all things must come to an end, I have been through a journey with this story it was passed on to me by one of my best friend's me4son. It was her idea and she gave it to me to make it into something great and that were my aim for this story every chapter has been an adventure even though I have never been to Alabama are the cliffs she always spoke about. I am from South Africa and hopefully one day I will visit the state.**_

_**Thank you meka for giving this story to me but it was always yours. I just rewrote it for you.**_

_**Thanks everyone else for reviewing we appreciate everyone who has reviewed.**_

_**Chimhill**_


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